Apr 06, 2020
And now, a great article by OS Coach and Friend, Amber Lansford:
My journey to acceptance. Forty years ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes. The diagnosis was really too much for my parents to handle and our family fell apart. It has been a crazy long and hard journey for me. So much trauma stored in my body. This is a snippet of how yoga has helped!
This is my $1 yoga mat. I got it at a garage sale like 5 years ago. I never thought I would use it, but two years ago, a friend asked me to go to yoga and I fell in love. That mat has caught a ton of my tears…it has held my anger and it gives me a place to feel everything. Emotions are not meant to be held in the body, but unfortunately, as a kid, I only learned how to survive. Not to feel. So, a few years back, my body broke. I could barely walk. For my entire life since my diagnosis, I have been angry at God for giving me diabetes and a jacked-up family. But, through my yoga journey, I have discovered a ton of ACCEPTANCE for my journey.
If you looked closely at my mat, you would see lots of holes and tears in it. Many of the holes are from my sweat and my tears. Just like my life, it’s been through a lot. I have a fancy mat at home still in the package, but I’m not sure I will ever use it unless this one falls apart. When I do yoga on my mat, it’s a reminder that I do want a nicer mat, but this is the mat I have. Just like this is the life I have. Would I like an easier life? Yes, but this is the life God gave me. I can either fight it and react and get tense, or I can breathe into it and just ask God, “what am I supposed to learn through this?”
I hit Rock Bottom and God “broke” me about four years ago. As painful as this journey has been, I’m not sure I would change any of it. I have learned a ton!! About diabetes, about being a better wife, about being a better friend and about being a better mom. I would like my body to function perfectly again- now, but that’s coming. I just wake up each morning and find what I’m thankful for and ask God what else I need to learn.
I totally believe that Rock Bottom has built more Champions than Privilege ever will, but if I can ever help someone not hit rock bottom, I would love it. Rock bottom is hard. Part of the grief process is when I can use my grief to help others. Finding meaning in my grief.
The only thing I care about now is that the day God decides to take me home to him, that he opens the gates and says, “GOOD JOB KID!! I gave you hard and you did it well!”