A friend of mine recently unintentionally led me down a path of self acceptance. He sent me some articles to read about the “Like” button on Facebook. In reading the articles, I realized that I have an acceptance problem and I’m using the wrong metrics to measure success. What I mean is that I am now aware that I have made myself a victim to the “Like” button or the number of “Shares” my posts get.
I made myself the victim. I have consciously and subconsciously been looking at the number of likes, or shares, to determine how successful my posts have been. Sadly, I would feel accomplished or successful if there were multitudes of likes or shares. And sadly, I would feel like I missed the mark if there weren’t many. Basically, I realize I’ve been in “the trap.”
The trap is interesting. If I get likes or shares, basically, I have a “knowing” that people like me. They accept my ideas. Which means every time I look for likes or shares, i’m wondering the question, “Do you like me?” But that’s silly when you think about it. Even the best people pleaser can’t please everybody all the time. AND, no ones self worth should ever be derived from another’s .02 second decision to click a “Like” button. The opinions of others don’t actually determine who I am anyway. They may be helpful, they may be hurtful, but they still don’t actually mean anything. My self worth has to come from within me, my “self.”
The funny thing is, week after week, I have learned likes and shares don’t equal success anyways. And every week, I forget this lesson. Here is what I mean. Let’s say I write a blog and post it on Facebook. Maybe it barely gets only one or two shares (thanks mom) and just a handful of likes. Typical me thinks, “Man, I don’t think that was a good post.” Funny how my thought changes AFTER I look for the “approval rating.” Anyway, almost every time, without fail, someone will read that blog and write me the nicest letter telling me how much it really helped them at this time in their life. So was the blog successful or not? Yes, it was, because it helped someone.
And that’s another issue. Success and self worth, if I’m only looking at approval ratings, will always be misjudged and fragile. But if I look at success through another lens, through questions that are important to me, then I can accurately measure success. And, If I derive my self worth from valuing me, not others’ opinions, I won’t be easily bruised.
Does this make any sense?
No one should have the authority to tell you whether you matter or you don’t. Know one else should have the authority to tell you if you are successful or not. That knowledge has to come from within you, from a source greater than everyone else, from a source even greater than you; but from within you, nonetheless.
Having said that, I am clearly no authority! Yet, I do think I can offer some more reliable metrics than likes, hearts, tweets, and shares to help you measure your success and worth:
Questions of success:
“Did I help someone?”
“Did I try to help someone?”
“Have my efforts helped anyone – just ONE person?”
“Did I want to help someone? Anyone?”
If you can answer “yes” to any one of those questions, I would measure that as a success. Sometimes success is not about hitting the mark, it’s about taking aim….
As far as self worth help goes, let me just offer this – keep in mind I’m not authority and my opinion doesn’t matter, but I KNOW this for certain:
You are good enough.
You are enough.
You have what it takes.
You do. You can. You are.
I wonder if you listen really closely, could you hear those same words come from within yourself? If you can hear them, can you believe them?
Anyway, It’s a different post, I know. Not necessarily about a reset or movement, but then again, it kind of is. It is certainly a post about strength training.
I hope you found this helpful. I’ll try not to look at the number of likes. But if I do, I’ll marinate on those last sentences above. 😉